International Christian School Nonthaburi (ICSN) is honored to host a parenting workshop titled “Bridging Hearts Workshop: Building Deeper Connections with Your Child,” led by Dr. John Ng. In his masterclass, Dr. John Ng draws on his 36 years of experience as a parent. He shares wisdom straight from his heart on how to build deeper, more loving connections with our children.
“Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world.” He even said it’s a reason why some young people today don’t want to get married and have children. It’s tough. However, he showed us how we can transition from merely “doing things” for our kids to truly “being there” for them emotionally.
As an international school in Nonthaburi, Thailand that values family relationships and community, ICSN is happy to share the three ways parents can connect better with their children:
More Than Just “Doing”: Why Emotional Connection Matters
Dr. Ng discussed how many of us, especially in Asian cultures, excel at being “functionally effective.” This means we work hard to give our children everything: enrolling them in the best international Christian school in Nonthaburi, for example, investing in cool toys, music lessons, and sports classes. We want them to thrive in life, secure good jobs, and achieve success. And we’re so proud when they accomplish these things!
Our intentions are always good. However, sometimes focusing solely on these achievements can cause us to overlook something even more important: their emotional well-being. We support them to get A’s, but it’s not common to ask how they feel about their schoolwork.
Dr. Ng shared personal stories, such as when his son wanted to be a musician, and his daughter wanted to teach children with learning difficulties. At first, these ideas didn’t match his dreams for them. But he learned a powerful lesson: when we focus on building character and connecting emotionally, our children can shine in their own ways.
3 Simple Tips to Bridge Hearts with Your Child:
Based on Dr. John Ng’s talk, here are three tips parents can start using today to build those deeper, cherished connections with their children:
1. The 5:1 Ratio
Dr. Ng shared a helpful idea from Dr. John Gottman, known as the “Magic Ratio.” Simply put, for every one “not-so-good” moment or feeling in a relationship, happy relationships have at least five “good” moments or feelings.
Think about your day with your child. If you scold them about something, do you follow it up with five positive interactions? This could be a hug, a compliment, playing a game together, listening to their story, or simply smiling at them.
Negative moments can feel very strong. So, we need more positive moments to balance things out. By actively giving our child lots of affirmation, love, and happy experiences, we build a strong “emotional bank account.” Then, when a problem or conflict arises, there’s plenty of goodwill to help us through it. It’s a recipe to create a happy and joyful home!
2. Notice and Respond to Their “Bids for Connection”
Kids are always trying to connect with us, even in small ways! They might ask a question, tell you a story, show you something they made, or even be quietly near you. Dr. Ng referred to these as “bids for connection.”
Sometimes, because we’re busy with work and our endless to-do lists, we might accidentally miss these bids or turn away from them. However, the secret to a deeper connection lies in responding positively to these small invitations.
This means being more aware of yourself – what you say, how you say it, and what you do. It also means noticing when your child is trying to reach out. If your child is quiet, maybe they’re trying to tell you something without words. Instead of just fixing a problem right away, try to understand the emotion behind it. When we pay attention to these bids and answer with kindness and understanding, our children feel truly seen, heard, and loved.
3. Choose Emotional Connection Over Just Getting Things Done
It’s natural to want our children to succeed and have everything they need. But Dr. Ng reminded us that being “functionally effective” (doing all the things for them) is not enough if we’re not also emotionally engaged. Our children need to know we care about their feelings, their dreams, and who they are as people, not just their grades or achievements.
Your Deeper Parenting and Family Relationship Starts Now!
The Bridging Hearts Workshop at International Christian School Nonthaburi with Dr. John Ng was a wonderful reminder that the best gift we can give our children is a strong, loving connection. It’s about moving from just telling them what to do to truly understanding and supporting them.
Today, try to notice how your child tries to connect with you. And try to answer them with a warm heart and understanding. You might be surprised how much it transforms your parenthood and family relationship into a happier and more connected one, one small, positive moment at a time!
